Dandelions
by Celestial-Vapidity
Summary: Maybe she'll tell Alex how she feels, one of these days. Yeah, right.


**Author's Note:** Another Alex/Nicky fic from me. What a surprise. Anyway, I swear that I did not remember Piper's nickname being Dandelion until I had already written this. It completely skipped my mind. But I'm not changing it. Anyway, this fic was inspired by Tower of Mistakes from Steven Universe. I've been having writer's block a lot lately, so I cranked this out in an attempt to get out of my rut. Maybe it'll be good. I hope you enjoy. **WARNING:** This fic contains mentions of/implied drug use and addiction, mentions of/implied child abuse, mentions of/implied emotional abuse, mentions of/implied verbal abuse, dysfunctional relationships, references to menstruation, mentions of food, mentions of/implied self-harm, mentions of/implied sex, self-hatred, and mental health issues.

* * *

Nicky has to admit that Piper and Alex make a cute couple. When they're not at each other's' throats, that is. Which is about half of the time.

Alex can certainly do a lot worse than Piper. Like, for example, she could be with Nicky. The blonde smirks as she watches the couple on the other side of the room. Alex certainly seems happier than she was. Nicky tries to convince herself that that is what matters.

When Piper isn't being a manipulative bitch, it's obvious that she cares for Alex. Their relationship has always been somewhere on a spectrum from 'dysfunctional and unhealthy' to 'honey-moon phase levels of love'. Right now, it's the latter. Nicky's heart aches when Alex smiles and kisses Piper.

Nicky tries not to think about the days when she and Alex would just fuck around. They would spend their free time together, talking, fucking, and getting into trouble. The shorter woman hates to admit it, but she enjoyed those times more than any of the times she tried to romance Lorna. The realization feels like betrayal. She's not sure who is being betrayed.

The day their not-relationship imploded was warm. It was also the day when Nicky was finally going to ask Alex officially to be her girlfriend, and not just her more-than-fuck-buddy and best friend. She had approached the brunette with a handful of dandelions behind her back, plucked from the yard.

"Hey Stretch," Nicky greets with a nervous smile.

Alex grins. "Guess what."

"What?"

"Piper and I are back together."

A jolt of pain goes through Nicky, smile frozen on her face, as she processes what Alex told her.

"Oh. Congrats."

Nicky throws away the dandelions.

Having sex with Alex on Christmas Eve had been for survival. Both of them had been dumped by the women they were in love with. They both needed to feel cared for, and loved. If only for a while.

Nicky makes mistakes. She doesn't learn from them. It's just who she is. It always has been.

If she had learned from her birthmother to not be such a fucking piece of shit, maybe she wouldn't be where she is now. Maybe if she'd learned that slicing her skin only made her feel worse afterwards, she'd have a few less scars. Maybe if she'd learned that drugs are even worse than people say, she wouldn't have become as much of an addict.

Maybe if she'd learned from Lorna not to fall in love with a woman who loved somebody else, she'd be in less pain than she's in now, as she sits across from Piper and Alex at breakfast.

Nicky is tempted to confess her feelings to Alex, sometimes. Sometimes, she's tempted to ask Red to give Piper another tampon sandwich. She does neither.

Instead, she remains. She's good at remaining. She'll stay Alex's best friend, and occasionally fuck-buddy when she and Piper are on the outs, and nothing more.

The blonde ex-junkie sometimes tenses when she sees dandelions. They remind her of when her heart was broken by someone she was in love with, for the umpteenth time. She still considers picking them. _Maybe when she gets out, she'll decorate her house with dandelions, and be one of those hippie shits who eats dandelions, and drinks dandelion tea and wine._

Maybe she'll tell Alex how she feels, one of these days.

 _Yeah, right._


End file.
